As the hunt carries on for Christopher Dorner, an ex-police officer for the Los Angeles Police Department accused of three homicides, LAPD officials have confirmed that their skills are continually improving after shooting practice was carried out on volunteer civilians.
“In our pursuit of Dorner we have found that some members of the force have had inadequate training in the use of firearms and that we must refine,” said LAPD spokesman Richard Dupree. “I’m proud to announce a new program to increase the marksmanship of our officers while also bonding with members of the community. This System of Higher Injury Training (SHIT) program initiates the officers to engage in practice scenarios of violence using patriotic volunteers that simulate that of urban military combat.”
Mr. Dupree went on the thank a mother and daughter team of “loyal, law and order loving, white-blooded” Hispanic women that, while acting as a Jihadi pair of newspaper deliverers (the newspapers had a small bomb inside the comics section), were gunned down on a quiet residential street by LAPD officers. The women both received gunshot wounds in an effort to make the practice as realistic as possible. To further simulate the results of a shooting the women are pretending to sue the LAPD.
The officers involved in the marksmanship training of the elderly newspaper delivery women were promptly given a plastic #1 Marksmanship trophy, promotions, and two months of paid vacation.
Though the SHIT program is currently reserved for the police department’s elite gang unit, it is expected to be rolled out across the entire LAPD in the upcoming weeks.