This year's Oktoberfest began Saturday with Germany giving a toast to the continent it once owned while bitterly coloring in the countries it had bought from the EU in a children’s coloring book of Europe.
Anonymous sources have also confirmed that Germany has, in a drunken haze after chugging Oktoberfest Beer for three hours straight, admitted to missing the days of Fascism and the “thrill of world domination.”
“Remember the days when everyone was all ‘Germany, the massive iron fist’ this and ‘Germany, the conqueror of the planet’ that?” said Germany with a far-off look in its eye, taking another swig of Ayinger Oktoberfest Märzen. “Those were the days, man. Sure, they were pretty fucked up sometimes, but isn’t everything, in its own way? Sometimes you still just kinda long for that excitement again, y’know?”
This confession was then followed by a sigh from Germany and something muttered about “damn America always sticking their nose into things.”